Life can be viewed as a constant series of decisions. Only by making rational decisions do we “take charge” of our lives. Some decisions seem unimportant but are important. For example, every minute or two we answer, by our behavior, the question: What is the best use of my time right now? (See next method.) Any one decision about the next couple of minutes of our lives may be trivial but taken altogether the cumulative effect of conscientiously making those millions of decisions determines the outcome of our lives. Likewise, some admittedly important decisions, such as mate selection, career choice, when and if to have children, and values, are often impulsively or casually made. And, some unimportant decisions (because there aren’t significant differences among the choices), such as what car or appliance to buy, are carefully made, based on precise technical data. Some decisions are made alone and others are made under tremendous social pressure, such as when to have sex, what religion to accept, and what to do socially with peers. Nevertheless, all good decision-making or problem solving methods follow the same process:
- Understand the problem and goals clearly, so you can consider a wide variety of alternative courses of action.
- The creation of many possible solutions to the problem. You can’t use an inventive solution unless it has been thought of.
- Collect all the conveniently available information about the probable outcome of each course of action. See if there aren’t synergistic ways of combining several promising solutions into potent solutions.
- Weigh the pros and cons of each course of action (solution), then decide on one that you can commit yourself to fully.
Some writers emphasize the cognitive processes of generating creative solutions, gathering expert opinions, assessing the probable outcomes of each alternative, etc. Other writers emphasize (a) the barriers to good decision-making, such as impatience with gathering data, (b) the consequences of feeling inadequate, dependent, or scared, (c) the restrictions imposed by wanting to be admired or loved, and so on. Both the right steps and the emotional pitfalls are important. I’ll summarize both.
Several types of decisions are discussed, but choosing a career serves as my example of a complex, important decision. Several useful books about career choice are cited at the end of this section, especially note the most recent Bolles (1995+) and Sinetar(1987). If you have a history of mental/emotional problems, Lavine (1996) addresses the special problems you will face.
- To make decisions more rationally and wisely.
- To recognize that we really do have a choice about many important things in our lives.
- To avoid making decisions sloppily or by default.
- To avoid a variety of irrational ideas, false assumptions, fears, needs, and other emotions that block good decision-making.
STEP ONE: Decide if there is a problem. If so, describe and understand the problem, see some solutions, and accept the challenge to tackle the problem.
A problem well stated is half solved, according to an old adage. Perhaps the first question is: Is there a problem? No need to worry about something that never happens. Perhaps you should also ask: Am I exaggerating or minimizing the problem? If in doubt, better ask someone else. But if there are likely to be serious difficulties, then ask yourself: Are there solutions to this problem? Do I have time to do something about the problem? In short, is it a manageable, solvable problem? And, am I overly optimistic or pessimistic?
The situation may be an opportunity rather than a problem. Am I willing to accept the challenge with enthusiasm?
In chapter two, the second and third steps in self-help are designed to clarify the problem: observe how serious it is and try to understand the problem by analyzing it into five parts–behavior, emotions, skills, cognitive, and unconscious factors. Understanding the problem helps us find a solution.
Some writers have suggested that you list the forces pushing you in the desired direction and the forces restraining you from reaching your goals.
|Making a 3.75
|Future career plans
||Wanting to be in a fraternity
||Alcohol & drug use every night
||Lack of organization & drive
||Good intellectual ability
||Not wanting to test ability
It is clear that the problem of making a 3.75 or better can not be understood without considering many variables. Most problems are equally complex. The solutions will surely involve trying to strengthen the helpful forces and weaken the harmful forces. So, there are many, many decisions to be made in solving any problem, many of these decisions are hidden or avoided.
STEP TWO: If you know what the problem is, now decide what you want in the future. What do you value? Set major goals in terms of specific behaviors.
Suppose you are trying to decide on a career. Obviously, your major purpose in life is critical here. Do you want to make lots of money and have lots of things? Is that more important than having a gratifying job in which you help people with problems? Is status and self-satisfaction more important than money to you? Are you willing or even eager to work 60-70 hours a week instead of socializing? Is money, status, and things more important to you than having a good time with friends and your family? Different jobs offer different payoffs and demand different things from us; the best career for us depends on what we want to get and what we want to give, which depends on our values, our abilities, and our motivation.
If you have decided on a philosophy of life (chapter 3), most other decisions are made much easier. What does and/or should take priority in your life? Socializing, work, romance, sex, family, money, health, children, being alone and comfortable, status, looks, education, religion, playing, thinking, art or music, excitement or pleasure, being good or what? If you don’t know your priorities, you can’t decide where to go in life.
Don’t cop out by saying you “want it all.” It is rarely possible. You can’t become a doctor, lawyer, psychologist, etc. and spend three or four hours every school night listening to music or TV or being with friends. You probably can’t be outstanding in your corporation and be the “world’s greatest father or mother” too. You have to set priorities, either consciously or simply by how you spend your time.
STEP THREE: After deciding to deal with the problem and deciding on goals, it is crucial to think of as many solutions or courses of action as you can. A final decision can not be better than the possibilities considered.
A common difficulty at this stage is the defeatist notion, “I can’t find any good solutions.” Such a person may be able to learn to go to the opposite extreme, i.e. create as many possible approaches as possible without being concerned, at first, with how well the idea will work. It may be wise to gather ideas from experts or experienced people or from groups, as in “brainstorming.” Brainstorming in a group is based on three principles: (1) the more solutions generated the better, (2) initially suspend your judgment about the quality of the ideas, i.e. judgment inhibits imagination, so don’t inhibit yourself or your group by saying “Oh, that’s a silly idea” or “that would never be approved,” and (3) the greater variety of ideas the more likely you are to find a good solution. Therefore, brainstorming follows these rules in the first stage: no criticism of any idea, all comments are “off the record” (no one will be criticized for a bad idea or given credit for a good idea), encourage far out and original ideas, and record all suggestions so everyone can see them altogether. In the second stage of brainstorming, the group identifies the most promising ideas, combines solutions and improves each alternative until it has a list of possible approaches to the problem.
Robert Epstein has found that it is much better take half of the brainstorming time, say 20 minutes, for two 5-minute individual sessions, because creativity is an individual process. He says brainstorming is better for selecting and combining good ideas than it is for generating ideas.
In group or alone, it is important that no good idea or compromise be overlooked. Take notes, new ideas evaporate quickly. If you are working on a tough problem, solutions will not flow easily. Practice trying to generate solutions to impossible problems, e.g. how to generate world peace. Give yourself time, don’t obsess about the problem all the time, let your unconscious work on the problem too (such as, during sleep or while showering). Acquiring more knowledge helps create solutions and frequently change your work environment. Finally, build your confidence in your ability to eventually find good solutions and cope well by being creative.
Be sure to avoid thinking in terms of either-or, e.g. either I go to college or I don’t, either I get married or I don’t, either I buy a car or I travel and so on. Actually, there should be several intermediate alternatives: going to classes part-time, postponing marriage or living together or dating around for a while, buying a cheap car and taking a shorter trip, and so on.
STEP FOUR: Every decision-maker needs to know the psychological forces that block intelligent decisions in order to guard against the pitfalls.
Rubin (1986) describes several unconscious barriers to decision-making: (1) Being out of touch with our (painful) feelings and (stressful) values will block clear thinking. This also leads to accepting the way things are. People become resigned or detached and say “I don’t care” but, more accurately, they are paralyzed, i.e. unfeeling, unmotivated, uninvolved, and indecisive. (2) Self-doubt, anxiety, depression, suppressed anger, and a lack of hope interfere with decisions and may even lead to self-defeating acts. (3) An exaggerated notion of oneself may also lead to bad decisions, e.g. unwise decisions may be made just because they make us look important or “successful” for the moment. (4) Being overly dependent (desperate to agree with someone, wanting to be liked, wanting glory for self-sacrifice, or just being afraid to make waves) handicaps the decision-maker. (5) Wishful thinking in many forms (perfectionism, wanting it all, wanting simple solutions, hoping something better will come along) messes up decision-making. (6) If we abuse ourselves after making a poor decision, we will avoid making decisions in the future. (7) If certain outcomes scare us, we may not seriously consider these alternatives although they are good ones. (8) Sometimes our emotions cause us to rush decisions (“I have to decide right now about getting married” or “having sex”) or drag them out (“I’ll think about it later”). Both can be disastrous. Chapter 14 has an extensive section about straight thinking which is clearly related to good decision-making.
If a group is making a decision, it should be aware of “groupthink ” (Janis & Mann, 1977). There is evidence that groups can sometimes solve problems better than individuals alone (“two heads are better than one”), but at other times groups are very ineffective or unreasonable (“a camel is a horse made by committee”). Groups make good decisions if the majority of members are competent and work well together. When do groups not work well? Group members may be inhibited by (1) an insulated, overly positive group spirit (“we’re the greatest,” “we are running the show,” “don’t be a pessimist”), such as being eager to agree with and please “the boss,” and by (2) a negative atmosphere, such as internal fighting and nasty criticism among members. How can you avoid foolish decisions by groups? Be sure the group follows the steps in this method: be sure all reasonable alternatives are carefully and objectively considered. New ideas must be supported and refined first, then they, like all the other solutions, must be rationally challenged (“playing devil’s advocate”). Sometimes it is important to ask each individual to express his/her opinion on a specific issue in a private way, e.g. by written comments, because groups can inhibit even the most secure among us. In any case, group decision-making is slow but it is usually much better than one-person, private decision-making, if the group follows the rules of good decision-making.
Obviously, many of these emotional barriers to decision-making are hidden, especially from the person him/herself, and difficult to handle, e.g. denial of feelings, depression, or dependency. In some cases, where you know there are blind spots, the decision may need to be postponed until the barrier is reduced. If the decisions can’t wait and if you are aware of serious psychological barriers interfering with the decisions, you should get professional help.
STEP FIVE: Consider carefully each of the alternatives. What are the pros and cons of each choice? How does each choice fit with your priorities? How do you feel about each choice?
There are two aspects to consider: (1) the facts about each choice and (2) how you feel about the future implied by each choice. There are always logical, rational arguments for and against each choice. You must seek out facts (technical data and personal experiences) from many sources, including experts, others who have similar problems, insightful persons, and others. You should consider your assets and resources (and limitations and disadvantages) that could be used to overcome the problem and the opposing forces. Also, you must decide if a certain course of action is in keeping with or in conflict with your values, e.g. how would you feel making good money selling a shoddy product? Is sex early in a relationship against your morals? It is important to write down all the pros and cons, putting together all the available factual information as well as your clear, predictable emotional reactions to each alternative. Let’s discuss this a little more.
Your decision can’t be based just on facts, you must also consider your subjective, intuitive or vague feelings-oriented reactions. Do this by ruminating about each choice. Daydream about the likely outcomes for each alternative–how does each possible future feel to you? Some will feel “right” and others “wrong.” Some exciting and some scary. Ask yourself: What is the best that could happen if I make this choice? What is the worst that could happen? Are there ways to improve the “wrong” alternatives or to overcome the fears? For example, many people considering medicine or psychology say, “I couldn’t stand to see people bleed or die” or “I would get too emotionally involved in the patient’s problems,” and decide against a profession that might be an excellent choice for them. What if you could find ways of handling the disadvantages of a certain choice? Guard against making impulsive decisions. Give yourself time to thoroughly imagine what each choice would be like–how satisfying, how boring, how irritating, how comfortable, how ashamed or proud you would be, and so on. Use your intuition. No matter how logical a choice may seem to be, you may not be able to live with it. Millions of people have said to themselves, “I know Joe/Jane is a nice guy/gal but I just don’t want to live with him/her for the rest of my life.” Or: “I know accounting is a good career, but I couldn’t be happy doing that all day every day.” Your feelings, needs, and wants must be given serious attention too. Know thyself, don’t deny your feelings.